Every year, one of the marks of fall is the Video Music Awards on Mtv.  While I can’t condone everything that happens on the show, and I can’t understand how they continue to give awards for videos they don’t show, I do love each year to see some of the pageantry. The sets are amazing, the performances are memorable, and usually they succeed in having a “water cooler” moment that is either staged or spur of the moment. Kanye West filled that moment this year.  Tonight I saw a follow up to that moment.

All of last night and today the moment where Kanye acted a fool, by interuppting an award segment.  Honestly, Kanye has helped propel his image as a guy who wants the spotlight beyond his talent (see the Katrina celebrity benefit) and it does not always go well, but hey more songs are sold and his name is not forgotten. Honestly, some deep down can’t wait for guys like him to do something stupid on national TV.

Kanye is far from family entertainment, but as one who appreciates hip hop and talent, he has it.  He has creativity that captivates the ears with every new sound, fashion that only he could wear, hypnotic lyrics that hook, and crediblity as a producer/songwriter for many established stars. He also has something that until tonight he made a living at covering up with blurred vision, his heart.

Tonight my wife and I watched the new Jay Leno show for one reason, to see how all of this was going to play out. Secretly we wanted to see the performance too. We both knew he was going to apologize. Jay said that he wanted to talk before performing with Jay Z. As far as I was concerned celebrity apologies might as well be a footnote. They might be sincere, but most of the time they don’t come across at all.  The gap between us and them only widens at that point.  Tonight I was expecting more of the same.

Tonight something different happened.  You can carry your own opinion, but what we saw unfold looked and sounded much more than a publicist version or acted apology.  First, there was Jay Leno, a guy that I don’t really connect with, as the interviewer. I have watched him do it before, so I expected the canned meat as before.Little did I know he would deliver the line, the question that was so raw, so honest, and so needed. Then there was Kanye.  An obvious different look about him was seated there on the set. A look that could be an act, but his face, his eyes told a different story, one I feel that matched his words.

He spoke of how much he understood how hurtful and how idiotic the moment he had created.  The words were sporactic and seemed to only be created in that moment. That heart that had been lost for so long was trying to cut through as he talked about the hurt in his life since loosing his mom. No excuses, he said however. he was

Then the line that broke his heart wide open. Jay looked at Kanye with an heartfelt eye,and with a father’s voice said “I was privalaged to talk with your mom a number of years ago, what do you think she would have said about this? Would she have been disappointed in you?”

Insert long awkward pause.

I hope you saw a man who had no words. I hope our blurred vision was clear enough for a moment to see a young man on national TV show just how much hurt lived inside, and how broken his heart was. He did not even really look comfortable when asked if he wanted to go perform.

At the end of the day my heart truly broke for him. It was surreal, kinda thing that only Jesus could wire in me. My wife and I watched her mom pass the night before we were married. I had seen this broken heart before.   With the gap between us and them and so much public personas, it can be easy to stop seeing celebrity artists as God created humanity. They are still his creation in need of restoration, just like me and just like you.

How could we be so heartless?

Kanye, He still wants you in His arms, and I hope you find peace in Jesus.